IT
She was terrified. IT wasn’t supposed to happen. She promised herself (and this time even God) that she would abstain, because IT might happen again. The way she dealt with IT last time almost killed her. The nightmares alone should have helped her stop.
She pleaded with God to give her the strength to be better. But apparently, even God was tired of her wishy-washy promises and half-baked schemes to be good. He used to listen when she was little – before this life happened – back when she had hopes and dreams.
No, IT wasn’t supposed to happen again. Deep inside, however, she knew she couldn’t escape the inevitable. This time, the black cloud seemed to envelop her; it clung to her head and squished her heart. This darkness was a tangible thing. She wondered if others could see it. Could they smell it? Did she emanate a kind of flop sweat?
Her loser pheromone attracted the only men she ever knew – the ones who leered, lusted, and left. Her mother was right: No good man would ever want her. None of the good ones ever looked her way anyway. It didn’t matter, the terror was back, and now she had to figure it out again.
Last night had confirmed IT. She heard she could get the test at a dollar store. Great. It would only cost a dollar to find out something that could change her life forever. Sure enough, the two blue lines told her IT had happened again. Her heart died. A random thought blew through her mind – isn’t there a place downtown called “Grace Pregnancy Center?” Would that be a place for someone like her?
Stay tuned.
